I am so miser (kanjoos)

Boyfriend: Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?

Funny Girlfriend: It is sufficient for me, but how will you survive


My sweet girlfriend had habit of biting her fingernails. She started doing YOGA to treat the problem. Soon her finger-nails started growing normally.

Seeing this, I asked if yoga had totally cured her problem.

"No," she replied with a funny sweet smile, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."
 

Santa & Banta got tired using mobile cell phones. For a change, they decided to use pigeons to send sweet messages. And this hilarious scheme worked very fine.

One day Santa sends his pigeon.

Banta sees, the pigeon is without any message. He picks his mobile and asks Santa: The pigeon is without any sweet message.

Santa: Oye khotey, that was a missed call.

Santa: Why are you heating the knife.

Banta: To do suicide.

Santa: But why are you heating it?

Banta: To prevent infection.

Titanic was sinking.

Santa: How much the earth is far from here?

Banta: 1 kilo meter.

Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"

Banta: Downwards ! 

Santa:  that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.

Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend

Gang of SARDARS broke a Bank. Instead of cash they found Botles full of Chilled Red Wine, Happily they drank & went away. Next day Headline aai: Blood Bank lutya gya. ******************************************************************** Ek Sardar ne ek bachy se pucha k tum ko A,B,C Aaty hai to bachy ne keha k mujy 9 tak aty hia.. Sardar ne bachy se keha k oyee Ullu k pathy 9 A,b,c main nahe aata. yeh to Alif,, Be,,Main ata hai: ******************************************************************** Sardar Ne Jalte Hue Makan Se 6 Logo Ko Apni Jaan Pe Khelkar Bahar Nikala Fir Bhi Usko Jail Ho Gayi Kyun... Kyun..Ki Vo Sab Firebrigade Wale The ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Santa-Oye!what R U doing? Banta-Recording this babys voice. Santa-Why? Banta- When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Santa ki ladai apne baap se ho gayi To usne apne baap ki photo kabristan me 1 ped pe latka diya Aur Niche Likha "COMING SOON” ------------------------------------------------------------------------ SARDAR:- Yar iska matlab kya hota hai, "I AM GOING"? FRIEND:- Main jaa raha hun. SARDAR:- Saaley, aise kaise jayega, 20 aur bhi aise ja chuke hain....answer bata ke jaa.. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Santa went to temple & saw people puting coin in box & praying Santa: Wow! How amazing. People are talking to God through coin phone without receiver ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Waiter gives bill to Sardar Sardar: "Take my card." Waiter: "But sir, this is Ration Card." *************************************************************** SardarJi: Ghar mai Mera he Hukam chalta hai. Mai Kehta hon, Garam paani le aao, woh le aati hai, Dost: Garam pani Q? Sardar: Garam pani se Bartan Achay Dhultay hain. ***************************************************************** A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".. "My father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said another. Then a Little Sardarji spoke up: "We are all human beans." **************************************************************** Sardar k 12 bachon mein 1 alag dikhta tha: Jab uski biwi marnay wali thi to Sardar ne poocha: Ab to bata do ye kis ka hai? Sardarni: Sartaj, sirf yehi aapka hai. **************************************************************** Sardar: Mery dada ny 1857 ke jang main dushman ki tangain kaat di thin. Dost: Gardanien q nai katin? Sardar: Wo pehly he kati hui thin... *************************************************************** Sardar: Muje E-Mail bnana hy. Sardar, Sardarg, Sardar123, Sardarabc Koi bhi nhe mil rha. Major Rohail: Tum "Akalmand_Sardar" try kro 100% mil jye ga. *************************************************************** Computer Lesson: Major Rohail: Plz turn ON your computer Sardar: OK kar liya. Major Rohail: Now Plz click on MY Computer. Sardar: OK! Kaha hai "AAP" ka computer? *************************************************************** Sardar to wife: rat ko mene 1 horror movie dekhi, 1 chudeil kabhi mere age kabhi piche aur kabhi sath chal rahi thi, Wife: Kaun si movie thi? Sardar: Apni shadi ki ************************************************************** Sardar ki wife inspecter se! Mera husband ek hafte pehle aaloo lene gaya tha abhi tak wapis nahi aaye Inspector bhi sardar tha bola:- to behan kuch or paka lo: *************************************************************** Judge: why did u shoot ur wife, instead of shooting her lover? Sardar: Your honour, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week. Banta's Delusion Banta thought he was dead, but in reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince Banta that he is still alive. Nothing seemed to work. Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show Banta that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, Banta seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed. "Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked. Read more... Too fast A snail was moving along the beach when he happened to look back behind him and saw three turtles wearing leather jackets. After moving along for about four weeks, the snail looked back again and saw that the three turtles were still there and closing in on him. So, the snail picked up his pace. After about six more weeks, the snail looked back again, and saw that the turtles were still chasing him. And they were getting closer and closer! So, he kept on going as fast as he could. Read more... The boss! A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why, does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man. The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer". Read more... Too high! This guy who stutters badly, walks into a Bar, and says, "Ssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a bbbeer". The Bartender, who is badly Humpbacked, serves him a beer and says, "That will be Rs 200 please!" The Guy thinks that's pretty high priced and says, "Ddddamn! Ttthat's hhhigh!" The Bartender says, "Yes, but that's our price, that's what we get!". The guy pays him and drinks it down. He then says, "Sssay! Bbbartender, gggimme a wwhiskey ppplease!" Read more... What`s that noise? Banta is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don`t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred of trees for you in one day." So, Banta takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two trees, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw